Sunday, September 27, 2009

Love Letter To A Friend

I made a mistake. I did, and I take full responsibility. I took your friendliness, your caring, and your good nature and I interpreted it as something it wasn't. I read signals wrong and I walked down the wrong path. Once I started walking in that direction, I stayed course and lost touch with reality. I liked you. I liked you more than you liked me (obviously). I opened myself up to vulnerability knowing that I'd probably end up hurt, but when it happened I was surprised. Why? Because I am stupid. But also because it was you. I looked at you with blinders on and sometimes I still do. Those rose colored glasses that reveal the beauties of life, the ones I can never seem to get a hold of. It's fine though, I don't blame you. My intensities, my quirks, those things that make me, me... those things weren't a right fit. Not for you. It just stung, you know? Hurt.

Here's the problem though. You want me to get back on that path, the friend path. I do too. I had fun there, being your friend. I'm working on it, but it's just a bit difficult. You are somewhere where you can still see me as a good friend. I'm somewhere else, where I don't know how to feel, where the scars are still visible, and where every stupid decision I made is still front and center. It would be sooo nice to hear your voice, but it only reminds me of how dumb I was to think I was anything more than what I actually was...

Your friend,


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