Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Aw, screw it.

So I think for my rare blog post, I'm going to touch upon shots. Injections. That nasty business that everyone hates (and I'm just talking about the people getting them done by medical professionals). They are crazy, a bit scary, and above all else... an experience.

So I  know I haven't been GIVING MYSELF shots for my MS for very long but... 

Okay, that still blows my mind. Why am I giving myself a shot? Isn't this something that's supposed to be done by someone who went to school for this stuff? Seriously. How is it that just after being told like 5 steps I am now certified to stick a needle in my own leg? Someone is messing with me. That has to be it.

Anyway, I haven't been injecting for very long (7 weeks), but I get the feeling I will never get used to it. I may become a pro at it, since I'm Captain Awesome, but get used to it? Never. The whole pro thing would be nice though, and fast.

Why the desire for pro status? Well, I had a reeeeally bad time last week with my shot day. First I couldn't uncap the syringe and then the needle was stuck in it's sheath, so it was just all around Bad City USA. Then I'm able to finally connect the needle to the syringe and I guess after all the frustration I didn't recognize that they actually weren't fully connected at all. It's like the weirdest episode of Three's Company ever.

So once the needle was actually in my leg and the plunger was a-plungin'  some of the Avonex just starts dribbling down and onto my leg. As anyone else who's had trouble or a painful time during something like this will tell you, once you hit that certain point and you just feel pushed too far, there's only one appropriate action/reaction. Total meltdown with a possible chance of tantrums.

You know what the best thing after a meltdown is? The realization that you acted like an ass. That feels great. Almost as great as the feeling after taking MS Juice (No Pulp!) and start to feel it's effects. The effects? Well, you'd assume after taking a shot you'd feel better. Well, I'd assume that because I am an idiot. Turns out I get huge headaches, I get dizzy (more than usual), and everything seems to move a bit slower. Right now it kinda feels like an invisible bubble of heavy air is on my chest. Yea, it makes no sense, but... well Christ, leave me alone I feel crappy okay?!

Damon, this is all for good though, right? You have a sickness or disorder, or whatever the hell you have and you take something and it's good for you - just deal. Well, all I know is, this stuff isn't gonna make me any better. I may get "less worse", but it's not gonna cure me or turn me normal. How do I know I'm less worse than I would have been without the shots? Research I guess. Statistics. Now either way, for me this is a pretty damn big leap of faith. Science and stats change all the time. Something is good, then it's bad, something works, then it doesn't.

So does this mean I'm gonna stop? I'll consider it. I probably won't though. The thought of being extremely damaged all because I didn't do something I should have sounds kinda boneheaded to me. I've made enough moronic decisions, so I'd rather keep them to a minimum now. So I'll keep on keepin' on and I'm sure I'll have my good experiences and my bad, but that's what happens, right? That's life. (Cliche alert!) No matter what, I'll try my best and I'll try take solace in the comforting things - 1. I'm not alone, people do this all over 2. I'm here, I'm alive, and I have people who care and 3. I have an iPod, tons of CDs, DVDs, and other material crap! Woo-hoo! (oh, and 4. I'm not Carrot Top or that Screech dude).

Oh, and shout out my wonderful friend Dana (shout out: Holla!) who can make me feel better and wished me well this week with my shot. It worked. Things couldn't have gone smoother unless I was a pro.

1 comment:

  1. I would rather you have called Dana your "special friend"...its funnier that way. :)