Saturday, October 31, 2009

Being The Best Me I Can Be

It's amazing how swift my mood can change, and how the darkness seems to sweep over me. Call it momentary depression, call it being childish, but it is what it is. Just thinking about the past couple of years, I don't think up until now I ever really experienced such extreme emotions before on such a constant basis. It's weird to think that it is probably my brain playing tricks on me. Just thinking that my brain could be responsible for so many things is such a frustrating matter. I can't tell if the feelings I have are genuine, or exacerbated versions of what I would have been able to easily shrug off otherwise. What's genuine anymore?

That stuff makes it real hard to relate to and interact with almost everyone. Am I angry with so and so for a good reason or am I being unreasonable? Is this person unbelievably irritating or is it just me? Do I even really like this person or am I just looking to find more voices to drown out my own? I've always had trouble with people anyway, but now I find myself in an even stranger spot. It's harder to deal with people these days, and this is a time when I need them the most. I can say this though, I am trying my best. In some instances I think I am doing okay, but probably in most instances I come off looking crazy, mean, gross, weird, or like a complete asshole. Can't expect most people to understand how my personality and thought-process works these days, but was it that easy to understand before?

On a night like tonight, I think I just get overwhelmed with being me and all that entails. Tomorrow maybe I'll be awesome and rock at being Damon, but tonight I am not equipped to handle being me. I think I'll go jump off some metaphorical cliff or something. Maybe I can build wings on the way down.

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