Betty Jo

I was off at school. It was my third year of college. I was living in an apartment in Newport Beach. Well, it was BARELY Newport Beach. Just on the border. I could see no beach. What I could see was school, which needed to be nearby because I was going to be walking. I was in my own world, away from my family and away from their goings-on.

What was happening back at home wasn't great. My grandmother's health was in a nose dive. She'd been diagnosed with cancer, and from that point things just seemed to move faster and faster. I was around when I could be, but I wasn't really there. Her time in the hospital. The move to one of those homes where there are nurses to take care of her. Her move back to her old home where my aunt lives now. I think I was there probably once for each of those.

One night I was at my apartment getting ready to go shopping for a birthday gift for my sister. My friend Brian was coming by and we were gonna go to a local record store (since apparently I have no idea how to shop for a girl). Before he arrived, I got a call from my mom telling me that she had died. It was awful to hear and all I could think of was how I had planned to go see her soon but I didn't. It was too late. I had missed my chance. My grandmother had died and that night I went out shopping at a record store. That just didn't seem right. Brian asked me if anything was wrong, but I didn't say anything about what happened (but he found out a couple years later and had one of those "ooohhh" moments).

I missed out though. I missed out on quite a bit, I'm sure. I missed the sorrow. I missed so much of the hard work and worry my mom had. I overlooked the depression my mom went through afterwards as well. What I really missed though was the time with my grandmother. She wasn't very lucid towards the end, but shouldn't I have been there just a little more anyway? I missed out, I'm sure.

I think what actually bothers me though is that it happened when it did. Our time-lines just didn't match up. I would love to talk to her so much if she was here today. I'm not only talking about important stuff, but silly stuff too. She dug the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I came to that party long after it was over. "OMG, grandma, how crazy was that episode with no dialog?! Or that one where she sacrificed herself???" Okay, yea, silly.

Really though, I'd like to talk to her about my MS. My grandfather, who I never even met, lived with MS and it'd be interesting to hear anything she had to say on all of that, good or bad. That's the one question I'd wanna ask if I could. That or I'd ask for her to help me out with her afterlife-vision. She could tell me what I need to do to become crazy successful and happy. Oh, and if she knows where the heck my collection of buttons/pins I had as a kid went. I wanna find those!

Grandma, I love you. :)