Out of the Ordinary

So let's start this off MS Style! I just finished my 13th shot of Avonex just now. 13 is a good number, right?! Super lucky? I might be mistaken, but 13 is the number of people who weren't murdered, didn't lose everything, and never ever ever had bad luck... ever.

Moving on. So I have three big things I'd like to discuss. Three events that happened that were very much out of the ordinary. Ordinary for me is never finding fun, a job, or friends. The fact that I get to talk about all three of these things in this post is actually pretty huge for me, so gimmie that hug or pat on the back (or butt), 'cause I totally deserve it.

So here goes:

FUN! So the other night I went to a get-together for old co-workers from my last job. Whaaaaat?! Yea, I never go to those things. I always avoided hanging out with work people outside work. They are WORK people, not OUTSIDE people. Well, now we aren't co-workers, and they thought to invite me, so I went! Sooo glad I did too. After the bankruptcy and liquidation over a year ago, I hadn't seen most of these people and it was pretty fun to see some of them. The restaurant was super loud and crowded, so I actually couldn't hear much except what went on at my end of the table, but that's okay 'cause I had a great time chatting with the people I could hear, especially Brian & Heather. So yea, fun times. Expensive meal though. Jeebus. Some places really know how to stick it to ya.

JOB! Okay, so this is a strange one. My friend is leaving the area for a long while and offered me the opportunity to take over his spot in some ESL school (The Wilshire Language School) downtown. I know, I don't live downtown. I guess I'm gonna be staying at his place too. Yea, weird. I hate staying at a house that isn't mine (it has stranger-house smell and stranger furniture!), but I guess I have to if I'm gonna be able to take the job... The job? Well, it seems fairly easy. Have people read, read aloud, answer questions, whatever. I asked my friend and he said they don't give grades. They don't seem to care about attendance either. The whole thing sounds a bit odd to me, which makes me nervous. When I was mid-freak-out and looking to talk it out with someone, Anna told me I should just do it. If I decide it's bad news bears I should just leave. So I guess I'm just gonna jump in and hope the water is fine.

FRIENDS! Here was the coolest thing I got to do in the past week. I got to see Dana! She was passing through LAX switching planes on her way to see Jackie. So I got my lazy self out of bed, hopped on the Metrolink train, arrived at L.A. Union Station, hopped on a shuttle and got to LAX. When I got there I waited and when the time came I excitedly watched as people emerged. Anticipation built... until she called and told me I was totally at the wrong gate. Damon is as cool as always! So we met up halfway and I was a total awkward nerd-geek. I gave her what I hope was a cool mini present that may also have been offensive (a tiny therapist that you drop in water and it grows), and we walked over to the area she needed to be at for her next flight. We talked, we talked, and we talked (yay!). Then I almost convinced myself to tag along on her trip. Then she took my picture and we took a picture together (thanks to an old dude who TOTALLY disappeared afterwards... Thanks ghost dude!). Then it was time for her to go. I was sad to see her go. The moment seemed to pass so fast. I probably seemed like an ginormous weirdo or whatever, but I thought she was super neato. If I get the chance, I'd definitely visit her and spend more than an hour with my MS Buddy. Then again, an hour with me might have been enough...

So, that was lots to go over and I am tired and can't think of a clever way to end this. Also, you readers may have fallen asleep trying to read this super long post.

Your welcome insomniacs!

Flashback Episode...

So I was going through some of my old posts and it made me think of this piece, which I wrote and put up somewhere else. If you've already read this, read it again. Is it really that hard?

Adventures in Babysitting... strike that, Adventures in Avonex

Wednesday, August 5, 2009 at 4:49pm

So today was the day I started my treatments with Avonex, the non-cure drug that may or may not alter the progression of my MS. I watched the infomercial, I mean instructional video explaining what's wrong with me. How I'm supposed to help myself deal with this burden. Good God, it was so condescending! Maybe I shouldn't have gotten an education and then I wouldn't mind being talked to like a child. You felt alone? I feel alone too, Ann Marie! Hey, do you want to go halfsies on a Snuggie?

I don't know why they make patients watch this video anyway, considering we live in the age of information. Easily accessed information. I did all the research I wanted, learned what I felt I needed to know, and the rest I could care less about. That could explain the feelings of hostility. The hatred toward the video. Then again, it could just be my degree in film and the video's lack of production values. These people are so wooden. Please take some of that MS research money and hire Meryl Streep or Daniel Day-Lewis. Sure, it may lose some authenticity, but maybe after watching for five minutes I won't want to drill a hole in my head.

So after praising the Lord that the infomercial had come to an end, the RN came to talk to me about everything I learned in those 20 or so minutes. In detail. FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. Seeing as I am generally a respectful person, in public at least, I nodded and kept so many thoughts to myself - Why are you repeating everything in the video? Can you keep your silly personal anecdotes to yourself? What do I have to do for you to give me the Avonex and let me go home? I know this stuff is probably very helpful for people who never bothered to look into their own disorder, but when it was "just a possibility" that I had Multiple Sclerosis I wanted to know all about it. I did the reading. I talked to people. Any questions I had, I looked for answers. At this point, when you've made the decision to start injecting yourself, shouldn't you know most of this already? Especially the whole "What is MS?" question. I didn't need to go over that for 45 minutes.

So finally I get to the meat of this whole session, the actual injection. I'm not going to lie, the thought of sticking myself with a needle gave me quite a bit of anxiety. I've got no problem with the medical professionals poking at me with needles. They know what they're doing (at least most of them do). I'm an immature, snarky goofball who has no business playing with needles. Serious business! That's what I scheduled my appointment for - to learn how to stab myself... safely. I take my box of Avonex and the nurse talks me through all the steps to keep things sterile and safe. Now that's something I appreciate. Step by step she guides me through what will now be my weekly ritual. Washing hands, setting up a little area, the joy of sitting around with my pants off... Great times!

Then, like John Travolta over Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction, it was the moment of truth. Needle in hand, I took care of business. It was actually very easy for me, and it's such a relief for me to know I won't have any problem doing this on my own. Proud of myself, I soon put my pants back on (awww...), grabbed my stuff, and left on my new journey as an Avonex user. Did I encounter any side effects? Mostly nausea and a minor headache. It was only a quarter dosage though, since I am easing my way into the routine. Ask me later and I might feel different, but for now I'm not regretting this new step in my MS adventure.

Aw, screw it.

So I think for my rare blog post, I'm going to touch upon shots. Injections. That nasty business that everyone hates (and I'm just talking about the people getting them done by medical professionals). They are crazy, a bit scary, and above all else... an experience.

So I  know I haven't been GIVING MYSELF shots for my MS for very long but... 

Okay, that still blows my mind. Why am I giving myself a shot? Isn't this something that's supposed to be done by someone who went to school for this stuff? Seriously. How is it that just after being told like 5 steps I am now certified to stick a needle in my own leg? Someone is messing with me. That has to be it.

Anyway, I haven't been injecting for very long (7 weeks), but I get the feeling I will never get used to it. I may become a pro at it, since I'm Captain Awesome, but get used to it? Never. The whole pro thing would be nice though, and fast.

Why the desire for pro status? Well, I had a reeeeally bad time last week with my shot day. First I couldn't uncap the syringe and then the needle was stuck in it's sheath, so it was just all around Bad City USA. Then I'm able to finally connect the needle to the syringe and I guess after all the frustration I didn't recognize that they actually weren't fully connected at all. It's like the weirdest episode of Three's Company ever.

So once the needle was actually in my leg and the plunger was a-plungin'  some of the Avonex just starts dribbling down and onto my leg. As anyone else who's had trouble or a painful time during something like this will tell you, once you hit that certain point and you just feel pushed too far, there's only one appropriate action/reaction. Total meltdown with a possible chance of tantrums.

You know what the best thing after a meltdown is? The realization that you acted like an ass. That feels great. Almost as great as the feeling after taking MS Juice (No Pulp!) and start to feel it's effects. The effects? Well, you'd assume after taking a shot you'd feel better. Well, I'd assume that because I am an idiot. Turns out I get huge headaches, I get dizzy (more than usual), and everything seems to move a bit slower. Right now it kinda feels like an invisible bubble of heavy air is on my chest. Yea, it makes no sense, but... well Christ, leave me alone I feel crappy okay?!

Damon, this is all for good though, right? You have a sickness or disorder, or whatever the hell you have and you take something and it's good for you - just deal. Well, all I know is, this stuff isn't gonna make me any better. I may get "less worse", but it's not gonna cure me or turn me normal. How do I know I'm less worse than I would have been without the shots? Research I guess. Statistics. Now either way, for me this is a pretty damn big leap of faith. Science and stats change all the time. Something is good, then it's bad, something works, then it doesn't.

So does this mean I'm gonna stop? I'll consider it. I probably won't though. The thought of being extremely damaged all because I didn't do something I should have sounds kinda boneheaded to me. I've made enough moronic decisions, so I'd rather keep them to a minimum now. So I'll keep on keepin' on and I'm sure I'll have my good experiences and my bad, but that's what happens, right? That's life. (Cliche alert!) No matter what, I'll try my best and I'll try take solace in the comforting things - 1. I'm not alone, people do this all over 2. I'm here, I'm alive, and I have people who care and 3. I have an iPod, tons of CDs, DVDs, and other material crap! Woo-hoo! (oh, and 4. I'm not Carrot Top or that Screech dude).

Oh, and shout out my wonderful friend Dana (shout out: Holla!) who can make me feel better and wished me well this week with my shot. It worked. Things couldn't have gone smoother unless I was a pro.