Charity Begins At Your House

From Wikipedia:

A benefactor is a person who gives some form of help to benefit a person, group or organization (the beneficiary), often gifting a monetary contribution in the form of an endowment to help a cause. Benefactors are humanitarian leaders and charitable patrons providing assistance in many forms, such as an alumnus from a university giving back to a college or an individual providing assistance to others. The word benefactor comes from Latin bene (good) and factor (maker).

Benefactor... good maker... what an excellent concept, the idea that there are people out there who want to do good, provide assistance, and be charitable.

You know, I think I need to find myself a benefactor or two. What would I have to offer them though, to make them feel like they weren't just leaving empty handed (except the satisfaction they'd get from helping someone awesome)? I'd have to fall back on what I do best, I'd have to be creative! Original creations reflecting my own passions and show that helping me would be worthwhile.

Things like original prints of my own photography, a personalized mix CD, a record cover box, or maybe even a short youtube video where I recite dialogue from your favorite movie! Yup, I'd make an ass out of myself.

Dear mystery benefactor, I look forward to making you something special. If your donation has already been made, your gift is on the way!

Where Do I Go?

Post-diagnosis, i hadn't had much trouble with my MS. Nothing crazy had happened. I'd had three episodes over the course of something like 5 or 6 years. Then I found a job and started working again. Being back in that world I started realizing that a lot of stuff I had no trouble with was now a total struggle. Also, since staring the whole employment thing this year, I have actually had TWO incidents of my MS acting all crazy, when before symptoms hadn't popped up so close to each other. This obviously raises a flag to me that this job is actually screwing with my system pretty hardcore. First there was the screwed up vision, then there was the point where I could barely walk. Do I really need to see what happens next?

Thing is, even with the little hours I work, it seems to take it's toll on me. Yesterday I worked four hours and I can still feel it today. I'm not even making enough money to cover my medical insurance anymore. I really don't see things getting any better. Or any easier. I have enough trouble just getting stuff around the house done. It's freaking me out and I really don't know what to do anymore.

Someone suggested trying to get some government assistance. Social Security or whatever. I tried and was denied. Of course, all I hear is to keep trying but everything I read when I research is just how hopeless all of that is. Any success seems to be from people with lawyers or social workers or people out there who actually seem to give a damn. I don't know, I just seem to have lost all will to even try something like this. All my energy these days is spent trying to fight depression, find a job that I probably can't handle or aren't qualified to get, and keep myself from just jumping off the face of the Earth.

Honestly, I write this entry just to say all this out loud to someone other than the people I confide in. Maybe then some of the weight will be taken off their shoulders. But also, there's a tiny piece of me that still has hope and that piece of me thinks there is a small chance that someone a lot smarter than me will read this and have a great idea. A great idea that could help me along. Or might actually be that person who actually could help me. Or maybe they are a unicorn. That'd be kick-ass.