It's Not So Bad

As I wake up this morning and reflect on yesterday's events (the whole establishing that I'm going to be working thing) I am just slightly calmer about the matter. Just slightly. I'm still super wary and pessimistic about it, but now I am also giving in. I'm giving in to the whole situation. Knowing that I will allow myself to quit at any time, despite any burned bridges it may cause, it is seeming less like a bad idea and more like an experiment. Well, at least that us what I am trying to tell myself.

The "allowing myself to quit" and "burning bridges" stuff is fairly new to me. I've always been more concerned with my actions effects on other people rather than on me. I've made selfish decisions before, but I don't think I've ever actually made a concious effort to do so. These days, with the introduction of the Sclerosis of Multiple proportions, I've begun to realize that I am gonna have to start being more selfish. I have to look out for myself and my own interests. I don't have the luxury to worry about anyone else, not right now. Not when it's hard enough just trying to take care if myself.

All I know is that after about a month or so, things should look a lot clearer. There's nothing like actually being in the middle of insanity to prove that it isn't so bad. I know this very well. I've been living as an insane person for quite a while, and as far as I can tell, I'm not so bad.