Um, yea... I don't text. I'm an octogenarian*.

I've never been a social being. Always a loner or almost one. I've always been able to count the amount of friends I had on one hand (if that hand belonged to a bad shop teacher or Vietnam vet). These days are no different, but I feel myself wanting to change that. That's weird though, because generally speaking, I hate people.

Seriously. Just about everyone either gets on my nerves or I get on theirs. I am a square peg in a world of round holes. I really don't have much to lose though, so I guess it's about time I accept people when they say they actually want to be my friend (weirdos!). Or maybe I can actually tell people, "Hey, I want to be your friend".

What do I have to be afraid of anyway? Well, there's always things like this... (Give it time, the text is a winner!)


Yea, totally frightening. I know. I think I saw it in one of the last Final Destination movies. The seventh one. The one in space. Or was it underwater? Either way. Totally awful. I feel bad for that guy. Mario needs to learn proper etiquette.

Okay, so I am a total weenie, but I am just not good in social situations. If I am in a crowd, even if it's family, I find myself panicking. I NEED to extract myself from the room immediately. It's scary. I am good one-on-one though. After I relax a little, I can actually be pretty funny. Some have even said charming (and no, they weren't drooling AND wearing a helmet. Just one or the other). I've even been known to make a good impression when introduced to other people. Maybe because they don't get to know me well enough. Or maybe I just don't see what others see.

We can't all be Mr. Confident though, right? Otherwise there would be more seasons of Tool Academy on VH1. Frightening, I know. I definitely don't want spikey hair with frosted tips. I don't want to call anyone "bro", at least to their face. Maybe some people will actually find me interesting or nice BECAUSE I'm not one of those guys. I sure hope so, cause a fat dude with frosted tips just looks like an outcast from New Jersey. NO ONE likes an outcast from New Jersey.

*In case you weren't sure, an "octogenarian" is a person in their eighties. So they are tooootally old.