It's A Gas

Holy crap!

So I did something just now that I really shouldn't have. I looked at my checking account. MISTAKESVILLE, WEST VIRGINIA. Yea, I knew it was dwindling away, considering the fact that I don't have an income since I don't have a job, but wowzers.

It's the medical insurance payments, the visits to the neurologist, and the trips to the pharmacy. Those are the big minuses in the credits/debits area of the account. They cost lots, duh. The money I do get from (the temporary and almost completely used up) disability helps with this stuff, sure. Not completely though, and that's no bueno.

Then there are the unnecessary expenses, like the twenty I spent on two albums this week, or a trip to the movies or something like that. They ARE necessary to my sanity though, so does that count? Seriously, if I hadn't spent some of that money on that "unnecessary" stuff, I probably would have blown my brains out. How's that for dire?! Okay, so that's a bit of exaggeration on my part, but come on, I gotta let myself have some little joys. Otherwise, I think I would definitely go off the deep end.

So why don't you just get a job Damon? Hahahaha. Thanks "Mr. Crazy Voice Inside My Head", I didn't think of that! Well, for ONE, I have been trying unsuccessfully for quite a while. Then there's the other thing - I'm not exactly sure what I should be looking for anyway. All of the previous stresses I was able to handle in the workplace I pretty much fail at nowadays. Then there were those things I was actually good at. For example, I would rock the mathematical house at work before. Need to know how much a crazy percentage was off an even crazier price? No problemo! Need a big ass sheet of numbers calculated? You came to the right place my friend. Rain Man had nothing on me! Well, except autism... and better social skills. Now I totally stumble over all my numbers unless I write stuff down or use a calculator. I'm no longer what I used to be, that's for sure

So what do I do about money? Well, I don't know. It worries me. Big time. It's one of those things that is definitely freaking me out. I look for answers and I just end up with more questions. I talk out loud or voice my worries to others. Yes, some do try and help, but I just end up feeling worse I think. Like I am letting them down when their suggestion doesn't work. Now I am not only a disappointment to myself, but to others too. Great.

I know people don't just walk up to you and offer up legit employment or anything like that, but there's always a first, right? Gotta be LEGIT though. I have no need for pyramid schemes and I am faaaaaaar from being the right type to strip for money. Then again, if I knew I would get seriously paid, I probably would show off my gross body for that fistful of dollars. Hahaha. Gross...