Wiggin' Out

I'm starting to freak out about money. That's the one thing that has always made me nervous. I know I'm not the only one, and especially in these economic times it's something that has lots of people worried. At this point though, it's gotten to the point where it's one of the things that I am constantly thinking about. Obsessing over something so negative just isn't good, not at all. Stress isn't good. That's on the first page of the MS Handbook. That and "You might wanna wear kneepads 'cause you're probably gonna fall".

It doesn't help that my job just isn't compatible with me and all my lameness. I always feel like shit by the time I finish for the day and I'm fairly certain all the crappyness is what led to the MS acting up and screwing up my vision. Now I have all this anxiety about going back. The last thing I want is to end up with some permanent damage. It's not like it's a ridiculous thought either. My hands are a constant reminder of what permanent damage feels like.

I think a new job, something at a desk or whatever, might be just the thing to help. Thing is though, I can't seem to find one. At least find one that would want me. Turns out I'm not the most desirable employee. Who knew?! I guess someone with a twisty, creative, illogical brain isn't really compatible with the places that are hiring. It's gotta happen sometime though, right?

So all this stuff has my mind in a panic and I feel myself starting to scramble. Of course I've been doing the looking for a new job thing. I have been actively doing that bit for a while now. I have also been thinking about selling some of my stuff. Thing is though, I really don't have much to sell. I could have a yard sale or something, but that's really not going to get me much. No one wants some crappy DVDs if I don't even want them anymore. Porkys anyone?

I did decide to sell these keepsake/gift boxes though. They are made from vintage record covers and are really cool. I made them for myself and I've made them as gifts too (with more gifts inside!). I am taking the four I have left and putting them up for sale on Etsy. Started my own shop and everything! I guess if they sell I can maybe make some more and sell them too. It'd be nice to actually MAKE some money rather than lose it to medical expenses and the like.

Oh, also, on a side note: I've started a site to highlight some of my photography. The web address is davilaphotography.wordpress.com. I figure I can put up some of my work and possibly get people interested. Maybe eventually I can sell matted/framed prints or something. Would you wanna buy one?

Public Opinion

I've always been pretty crap in social situations. Everyone who knows me, knows that to be true. It takes more than just a first meeting to see the person I am and it takes A LOT more to see the person that I can be. The only thing is, it takes more than one or two contrived social interactions to get to that point.

I won't say I don't care completely what other peoples opinions are of me. Whether it's trying to make new friends, maintain the ones I have, or make a good impression for other reasons, people and their opinion of me can matter. At this point though, I can't be bothered to worry about such things. I've got enough on my mind to care what anyone thinks of me.

Of course I'm not gonna be dead about it, and just not care. The mean stuff is still gonna hurt a bit. Right now though, I've got it all narrowed down. I hold some people and their opinions way above everyone else, and in doing so, I'm able to care a lot less what others think. As long as I have those people who see me for who I am, love me and care about me, I could really give a damn about anyone else or what they think.

Now it might be selfish or self-centered to also push other people and their feelings aside in the process. All just to maintain my own sense of happiness and stability and reach that place where I can maintain a truly happy life. Thing is, life is way too short and way too unpredictable to worry about every single person and how they feel and what they will think. I have to look out for MY-self and for those that I love above all else. If I can do that, I'll definitely be able to be proud of myself.